Finding a new relationship after dealing with toxic and/or abusive situations can be both exhilarating and nerve-wracking. You’ve been through some tough sh*t and want to make sure that your next relationship is healthy, loving and supportive.
However, there are certain types of people with traits and behaviors that might ring off some alarms and red flags🚩. Keep reading as I dive deep into 11 types of people to avoid in a new relationship!
#1: The Controller
Encountering the Controller can be a challenge, especially for someone who has a history of dealing with toxic and/or abusive partners. This type of person often displays a strong need to assert dominance and control over you, creating a chaotic environment. Some red flags to look out for in the Controller include:
- Overbearing Behavior: People who are controllers like being in charge of things in your life, from your daily plans to big choices. They get upset if things don’t go their way, creating a world filled with fear & anxiety.
- Isolation Tactics: The Controller may attempt to isolate you from loved ones, so you slowly start to depend on them for support and validation. This can make it extremely difficult for you to seek advice from others, leading you deeper into their web of control.
- Guilt and Manipulation: This person can often use guilt as a tool for manipulation. They twist situations or conversations to make you feel responsible for their emotional behavior that can cause a sense of false guilt.
#2: The Uncommunicative Partner
My last relationship with my abusive ex definitely fell under this next category… the Uncommunicative Partner. It was like trying to have a conversation with a brick wall. This person struggles to engage in open and honest conversations & lacks emotional intimacy and trust. Some red flags to look out for in the Uncommunicative Partner include:
- Avoidance of Emotional Conversations: The Uncommunicative Partner avoids discussions that involve emotions, future plans, or anything of significance or depth. This avoidance slows down the growth of emotional closeness and intimacy within the relationship.
- Inconsistency in Engagement: This person shows inconsistency within the relationship, causing uncertainty in you about their commitment or feelings.
- Defensiveness in Conversations: When faced with chats about feelings, the relationship’s direction, or any emotional depth, the Uncommunicative Partner can become defensive. They deflect or shut down, making it challenging to address concerns and deepen the emotional connection between you two. Stonewalling is a manipulative tactic they may also use towards you.
#3: The Narcissist
I know this is a super trendy word online nowadays, but coming across the Narcissist can truly be a detriment to your mental health. This person is all about self. Their wants and needs are the only thing that matters and at the end of the day, they’re someone who believes they’re better than everyone else. AVOID THIS PERSON AT ALL COSTS! Some red flags to look out for in the Narcissist include:
- Constant Need for Validation: The Narcissist constantly seeks validation and admiration, at the expense of your emotional needs. They thrive off of attention and praise to inflate their sense of self-importance.
- Lack of Empathy: Empathy isn’t a thing in the Narcissist’s behavior. They disregard or minimize your feelings, focusing only on their own concerns or desires.
- Manipulative Behavior for Self-Gain: The Narcissist uses manipulative tactics to achieve their goals. They use charm, lie and manipulate your emotions to control situations in their favor.
#4: The Gaslighter
Another on trend word roaming the internet streets nowadays, the Gaslighter is another type of person you should avoid in a new relationship. Gaslighters manipulate situations, causing you to question your perceptions, memories, and ultimately, your reality. Some red flags to look out for in the Gaslighter include:
- Distorting Reality: This person manipulates and distorts reality, causing you to doubt yourself. They’ll insist that what happened IRL didn’t happened, leading you to feel confused and doubt yourself.
- The Blame Game and Denial: Gaslighters will blame you for their own bad behavior. They refuse to take responsibility for their actions and often deflect accountability. This can lead to you feeling guilty or responsible for situations that aren’t your fault.
- Invalidate Your Feelings: The Gaslighter often dismisses or minimizes your emotions or experiences, leading to you invalidating feelings. This behavior can create a sense of isolation and confusion.
#5: The Serial Cheater
Whew, chile… the Serial Cheater is someone you MUST avoid, especially in a new relationship. One thing I’ve learned on my healing journey from dealing with toxic, abusive and unhealthy partners is this… if they did it once, THEY WILL DO IT AGAIN! Some red flags to look out for in the Serial Cheater include:
- History of Infidelity: The Serial Cheater often has a track record of being unfaithful in past relationships. They might engage in repeated instances of cheating, showing a pattern of behavior rather than making just a one-time mistake.
- Zero Accountability and No Remorse: Despite being caught or confronted about their cheating ways, the Serial Cheater fails to take responsibility for what they’ve done. They might express remorse superficially, but the behavior doesn’t change, prolonging the cycle of unfaithfulness.
- The Inability to Rebuild Trust: Even if they promise to change, the Serial Cheater struggles to regain your trust. Their repeated betrayal makes it challenging to believe in their commitment to truly change.
#6: The Overly Jealous Partner
Jealousy is a normal human emotion we’ve all felt at one point in our lives. Don’t lie, sis! I know you’ve been there (myself included). However, dealing with the Overly Jealous Partner is a migraine you shouldn’t deal with, especially in a new relationship. Some red flags to look out for in the Overly Jealous Partner include:
- Constant Accusations and Distrust: The Overly Jealous Partner will constantly question your loyalty and accuse you of cheating without any real reason behind it. Their lack of trust leads to constant suspicion and monitoring of your relationships with other people.
- Isolate and Control: This person may attempt to isolate you from friends and family, seeking to control your time and emotional dependence. This creates a barrier, making it difficult for you to seek support or maintain healthy social connections outside of this toxic relationship.
- Emotional Manipulation: Overly jealous partners use emotionally manipulative tactics, like guilt-tripping or expressing intense distress, to control you, making it a challenge for you to express yourself freely.
#7: The Emotionally Unavailable Person
This one is for my anxiously attached people out there. As a recovering anxious attachment partner myself, we have the tendency to attract the Emotionally Unavailable Person, which is a recipe for disaster. Avoid this person like the plague, especially when getting into a new relationship. Some red flags to look out for in the Emotionally Unavailable Person include:
- Avoiding Emotional Conversations: The Emotionally Unavailable Partner avoids conversations about feelings, future plans, or the depth of the relationship. This creates a block, making it difficult to cultivate emotional intimacy.
- Inconsistency in Engagement: These individuals might exhibit inconsistency in their engagement with the relationship, causing confusion and doubt. They might seem distant or disengaged without a clear reason.
- Withdrawal in Times of Emotional Intimacy: Emotionally unavailable partners can withdraw when conversations or situations become more intense or require them to show their vulnerability, leading to a lack of closeness and shared emotional depth.
#8: The Manipulative Charmer
Ahhh… Mr. Charisma (or rizz as the kids say nowadays😵💫). It might seem like he’s too good to be true, right? Well, you might have a point there, sis. The Manipulative Charmer ultimately uses their charm to hide their ulterior motives. Some red flags to look out for in the Manipulative Charmer include:
- Charm Offensive: The Manipulative Charmer presents an initial facade of charm, charisma, and adaptability, tailoring their behavior to match what their partner wants to see. This mask or facade is inconsistent with who they truly are.
- Adaptable Personality: Have you ever been around someone who acted differently around different people? The Manipulative Charmer changes their persona based on different situations or people, creating confusion about their true intentions and causing doubt about the authenticity of who they are.
- Flattery for Control: Manipulative charmers use flattery and praise to gain control over their partner, often implementing deceitful or insincere compliments to manipulate emotions and actions.
#9: The Financially Irresponsible Partner
One of the top reasons why marriages fail is… MONEY PROBLEMS! The Financially Irresponsible Partner is a surefire recipe for disaster, especially when you’re in the beginning of the relationship. DO NOT PASS GO! DO NOT COLLECT $200! Some red flags to look out for in the Financially Irresponsible Partner include:
- Consistent Financial Instability: The Financially Irresponsible Partner displays a pattern of irresponsibility with money, like overspending, borrowing without repayment, or lacking financial planning skills. This behavior creates uncertainty and stress in the relationship.
- Avoidance of Financial Discussions: This type of partner tends to avoid discussions or become defensive about anything that has to do with money. Their hesitance to talk about money can get in the way of building a stable financial foundation in the relationship.
- Dependency on Others: The Financially Irresponsible Partner relies heavily on others financially, showing an inability to manage their own money independently and responsibly.
#10: The Hot Head
Lord, Jesus… The Hot Head isn’t just a red flag to avoid… IT’S A FULL ON STOP🛑SIGN, SIS! A person who is quick to react without thinking of the consequences that come from their impulsive actions is a HELL NO to what should deal with. This is a hard lesson I learned when dealing with someone who had unresolved anger issues. Some red flags to look out for in the Hot Head include:
- Short Fuse and Aggressive Reactions: The Hot Head displays a fast escalation to anger, often over extremely trivial and petty situations. Their reactions can be intense and aggressive, which can lead to feelings of fear within the relationship.
- Blame-Shifting and Denial: This type of person can deflect responsibility, blaming you or others for provoking their anger. They often deny & deflect their bad behavior and how it’s impacted you, which in turn won’t allow for the resolution of conflicts.
- Unsafe Emotional Environment: Their anger may create an emotionally unsafe atmosphere within the relationship, leaving you feeling anxious, unheard, or afraid to express yourself openly. There could be instances where their anger increases to more intense situations and may become physically abusive towards you.
#11: The Love Bomber
I’m sure you’ve heard about the Love Bomber more than once in today’s digital world. Girl meets Guy. Day in & day out, he’s whispering sweet nothings in your ear. He showers you with intense “love” and affection early on in the relationship. You feel like you’re floating on cloud 9. Something tells you this seems too good to be true… I’m sorry to say but it probably is, sis! Some red flags to look out for in the Love Bomber include:
- Excessive Declarations of Love: The Love Bomber constantly declares love in an intense and accelerated manner, saying things like “You’re my soulmate,” or “I’ve never met anyone like you,” after only a few dates, without taking time to get to know you on a deep, emotional level. Building a deep connection takes time, which is the opposite of the Love Bomber’s timeline.
- Grandiose Gestures: This person lavishes you with extravagant & over-the-top gifts, love notes, or even makes elaborate plans for the future in the initial stages of the relationship. There’s zero solid foundation of trust and understanding that has been established and many times, this behavior dissipates over time.
- Constant Attention and Contact: Another common red flag the Love Bomber displays is bombarding you with an overwhelming amount of attention. They want to spend all their time with you, constantly calling, texting, or emailing, leaving little space for personal boundaries over your own life.
The Bottom Line
It’s important for those of us who’ve been through toxic and abusive relationships to recognize red flags in new relationships. One thing I’ve learned about myself is to LISTEN TO MY INTUITION. Women have this strong, innate ability to differentiate right from wrong. It’s a gift we all need to utilize when navigating new relationships.
Whether it’s the Controlling partner, Mr. Emotionally Unavailable, or the dreaded Manipulative Charmer, each personality type has its set of challenges. It’s crucial to set boundaries EARLY in the relationships and stand 10 toes down on said boundaries!
As you venture into new relationships, use these insights to your discretion. Seek out connections that embrace trust, authenticity and someone who makes you feel emotionally safe. Choose someone who brings out the best in you. At the end of the day, you deserve relationships that lift you up… not bring you down.
Looking for 1:1 Support?
As a personal development coach who’s had their fair share of some pretty toxic relationships, I’ve become an expert of my own experience. I designed my 3-month coaching program especially for women like you who’ve also made it through toxic relationships, but need some guidance on this new chapter of your journey.
During our 3 months together, I will help you rebuild your self-worth & create the life you truly deserve. Together, we’ll heal, thrive & unleash your inner goddess who no longer allows somebody’s dusty ass son stress them the f*ck out!
If you’re ready to find yourself again after leaving that toxic relationship, unleash the badass and step into your power, book a complimentary discovery call so I can help guide you back to your inner magic. I can’t wait to meet you
*Note: I am not a trained mental health professional. Life coaching is NOT therapy. Life coaching is a space to help you achieve your goals and focus on breaking free from limiting beliefs that have you feeling stuck!
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